The Conspiracy Theorist Who Hijacked My Mind

I went home for a quick weekend with the family. At the airport, I bought a book, ate a bit of food and boarded the plane. I was pretty excited to read this book, as the back cover had sufficiently intrigued me. I was getting all set up in my seat on board, when a middle-aged man sat next to me. We began chatting and he seemed interesting and intelligent. I don't mind talking to strangers on planes. It often makes the time seem to pass faster. He was an aerospace engineer, which instantly gave him some credibility, in my mind. As we speed up for take-off, he begins to explain to me how the 40 seconds from speed up to a certain height in the air are the most dangerous on a flight. Nevermind his TERRIBLE timing on that one; the worst was yet to come. I thought I'd pass on the incredible wealth of information I was forced to learn on this 1.5 hour flight. I didn't get to read my book, which made me sad. Instead, I listened to this:

1. Obama is not a natural citizen of the United States of America. This is particularly frightening to me, considering that being a natural citizen sure helped Bush be a great president.
2. George W. Bush has a large ranch in Paraguay, where Nazi doctors escaped post WWII, because it does not extradite criminals.
3. 9/11 was an inside job. The evidence that Bush knew about it? When he was told, while reading to kindergarteners, he awkwardly continued reading. ...Because Bush acting awkward means anything.
4. The government is currently working it's mints overtime to print out all the extra money we'll need to get us out of this recession. (Didn't we already try that in the Great Depression??)
5. NY city and Miami just purchased millions of video cameras from China. "What else would they be used for if not to watch us?"
6. Illegal Aliens are taking over America
7. America wants Mexico to make Meth strawberry flavored so that it will appeal to small children.
8. The news media is 100% controlled and censored by the US government, so it cannot be trusted. (And yet sources of all this information are completely valid...)
9. My personal favorite: When Hitler was coming into power, Germany was in a recession and he preached "hope" and "change" just like Obama. I guess we'll all wait and see whether the half African American president is all for ethnic cleansing.

If you find this blog particularly painful, just imagine an hour and a half of this! Never have I been happier to come home to an oh-so-sane Aaron :)